Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem and Confidence. Those two words are very similar and sometimes get confused, but they are very different in meaning. To start with I will define what self-esteem means, while also providing tips on how to enhance your self-esteem.

Self-esteem has everything to do with how you feel about yourself overall. This would be in terms of your self-love, your esteem, and your positive regard for yourself. Often in childhood we are taught by our parents to love ourselves, to be good to ourselves, and feel good about ourselves. However, I have seen too often that this does not happen, and the opposite takes place. Confidence is much different, and I will get to that in my next post. As for today I would like to focus on how you can begin loving yourself and caring for yourself overall which will positively enhance your self-esteem.

Believe it or not, having little self-regard, can ultimately influence depression. This can also influence us in the direction that we go in our lives. So, for example if you wanted to go to college, but your self-esteem was poor, there is a chance that you may have redirected your path to something that you felt was more aligned with your self-value. Basically, what I'm saying is you value yourself so much less that you end up not holding yourself to a high standard and with that telling yourself that you cannot complete college. In my opinion that's such a waste because I believe that there are so many smart people walking on this planet that have hindered their lives due to how they feel about themselves. Self-esteem and the lack thereof has such an impact on our lives that's sometimes we don't even recognize it. Especially if you have felt this way for most of your life. You may not recognize how you're holding yourself back, or even how you keep yourself stuck. Here are some tips to begin working on your self-esteem.

Confront and accept your failings

It is easy to get wrapped up in the things we fail at. It's also easy to dwell in those. I want to encourage you to not dwell in them as if they make you who you are, but rather confront them and find a way to challenge them

Recognize and enjoy your accomplishments

It's easy to always focus on the bad because the bad is always so much more vivid than the good. However, I would encourage you to take a step back and look at all of the great things that you have done in your life and the accomplishments that you have accomplished. Give yourself praise and enjoy the accomplishments that you have made in your life. This is not boasting, and it's not being conceited, this is just simply showing yourself that you are more than what you assume.

Look at the good in the mirror

Just like in my message above, it is easy to get wrapped up in the bad. Have you ever had a pimple on your face, and when you look in the mirror that's all you can see? Well, what about the great job that you just did on your hair? Or what about your perfect teeth? All of those things are good, so I want to challenge you to take your focus off the pimple and on to those pearly whites!

Strive for better

Let's face it, none of us have a perfect life. Some of us are overweight and we are not happy with that, some of us are struggling to land a great job and the list goes on. No matter what you might be struggling with, start striving for better. I think it's also important to believe that you can do better. You don't have to settle for the things in life that make you unhappy. We can all learn to eat better, and we can all learn to exercise, and ultimately if you are overweight this will take that away. If you are stuck in a job that's not fulfilling, recognize that you can have more and you can do more. You may not feel qualified for certain positions, but I would encourage you to apply for them anyway. You will be amazed at the opportunities that await you which you feel unqualified for.

Stop thinking about your regrets

Let's face it, we all have regrets, but the more time we spend focusing on those regrets, the longer we are holding ourselves stuck in one place of guilt or shame or whatever it is you may feel. It's good to look at the past, it's good to learn from the past, but it's also good to look in the present and towards the future. If you keep these regrets around ultimately you are reminding yourself regularly that at some time or another in your life you did something that you regretted. Let me ask you this, how is that helping you? How is that hurting you?

Recognize that there is no one on this planet that is perfect!

You might be 20 pounds overweight, but the person standing next to you may have been 50 pounds overweight at some time or another. Maybe he or she recognized and made a change in their lives. Maybe they worked hard every single day to keep themselves fit, or it is also possible that they spent $20,000 on liposuction. Regardless the person standing next to you that you might compare yourself to is far from perfect. While you might be 20 pounds overweight, they might be struggling in their lives with severe anxiety. Or it's possible that underneath their clothes, the appearance isn't as pretty as it is with their clothes on. The main points of this though is to recognize that we all have imperfections. These could be physical imperfections or mental imperfections. But we all have them. We live in a world with filters. Everywhere you go there are filters. We project what other people want to see, but not necessarily the truth. So, the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to another person, ask yourself, "I wonder what their imperfection is?" This can potentially take you away from the thought that their life is perfect.

Enjoy your quirkiness and all of the things that make you who you are!

I think we get wrapped up in this life not only comparing our physical appearance to others but also who we are in general. Every single one of us has a different personality. Sure, we might click with certain people and have a lot in common with certain people, however we are still unique in our own ways. Sometimes we can be so unique that other people struggle to understand us. They may also assume they know who you are when they really don't. You might be very shy, and they might perceive that as being stuck up. You might be extremely Corky, and people might perceive that as weird. Regardless of who you are, I challenge you to enjoy who you are and recognize that you are a unique individual and there is only one of you. You are just as great as the person standing next to you, and honestly you probably would not want to be them anyways. So instead of telling yourself that you're odd, tell yourself that you are unique.

Watch your self-talk

This is probably the most important of all. If you stopped to recognize throughout the day, how many times you may actually put yourself down, you would probably be amazed. It is interesting to me how mean we can be to ourselves. For some reason or another we feel like we have a right to say horrible things to ourselves, but in reality, would you say these things to someone else? If not, then why are you saying them to yourself? Why are you choosing to keep yourself in a category such as this? What is it about you that makes you worse than the person standing next to you? I want to challenge you to begin to recognize these negative thinking patterns that you may have. I want to challenge you to begin to have conversations with yourself about why you have these thinking patterns. And then I want to challenge you to begin to change those thinking patterns. So, for an example if you look in the mirror and you tell yourself that you're fat, I would like you to change that to telling yourself that "maybe I'm a little overweight, but I'm going to work very hard and soon I will be healthy" You're not lying to yourself, and in some ways you're saying the same thing but just in a different way. This different way has hope attached to it, which is positive and will give you hope for the change in which you want.

As always, we are here to help. Contact us at www.illuminatingcounseling.org https://mycrd.is/illuminatingCounseling for more information.

Dr. Alison Mell, PhD, NCC, LPC